why do we blog

i finally understand it - its when u actually have no one to talk to so its form of talking to yourself!

Ah two weeks away from the family will fill you with boredom and loneliness..even if the days are full, and entertaining with nice decent company - the people you choose to spend your life with and the ones (read the husband) that enter your life (read the children) ....are really the ones that you want to spend your time with...

Even if its just not doing...just "being"....gosh i dont know how i survived!. i think as we get older we have so many defence mechanisms that do their best to make us stop feeling. Its life in autocruise until your about to go home and you let all your defences down and just enjoy the feeling that soon - you will be HOME....

i also notice many people blog about things - i like to write down my random thoughts. random thoughts are where the best ideas come from right?

i miss my gurgles and cooos...

Why

Its getting close to my father in laws 1st year anniversary.....and the rememberance of him, the missing, starts to get stronger and stronger as the anniversary approaches.

human beings seem to be built to forget - to keep ourselves sane. But during anniversaries - all the old emotions all the old feelings the sadness at death at losing someone come pouring back in.

And you probably wonder - why so emo - its just father in-law. But truth be told Daddy was the kindest, most loving man i have ever met. He was the ultimate father. Middle class with 9 kids, provided for his whole family, his kids, was a pillar of his society, his neighbourhood...Daddy i will always remember him as the guy who used to make tea for the postman, the garbage collectors everyone...

And this leads me to the question - why do people have to die? Whats the point of making all these contacts, creating a family, creating a community, getting so attached to everything and making people so attached to you and then to just die...I dont understand it. I miss you Daddy...I miss the cheeky smile...I miss the wise sayings (Daddy was like a quote a day)...I miss being told to go to church...I miss your surprise visits...I miss the optimism and the joy with which you embraced life.

Castles in the Sand

Oh to be rich - to be thin - to have everything. Its very very nice to sit in the evening, sipping a cup of nescafe ice, with my "the one" and build castles in the sand. Healthy or not im not sure, but Nice & Wonderful im certain.

To drive the BMW's to be a nice little housewife with time to dabble in charities, in whatever suits my fancy - buy designer wear (which i will be able to fit cus i would have done all the necessary surgery to be Kate Moss'es lookalike) - go to the most expensive mall - point and get....

we somemtimes wonder whether we will be bored - but when your busy building these castles - its easy to just push aside silly ideas like boredom and just continue on to our tropical bungalow right in the center of KL - with lots of grass..

Grass seems to be what drives us to succeed - grass for nicholas to run on - grass to build memories of playtime in the park - green green grass for Brownie to chase his tail on - to run - to chase - Grass...

Every middle class working couples dream - to own a home with grass...

Finding My Voice

Just finished reading GLAMOUR! Of all things trivial. Not a pullitzer prize winning book, not literature but glamour - and came away with one of the most profound sayings I have come across. Or maybe its more poignant since im at a sort of crossroads in my life...It read "finding your own voice means risking being wrong....it is only by taking those risks that your comfort and confidence in your own voice will grow"

Risks - something that i just dont like doing. Ever since I remember - i have always yearned to know the ending. From 10 i used to read hte endings of books before i read the beginnings - just to make sure that the story would end happy. Whats the point of wasting a few hours of my life on something which was going to be traumatic?

Risks - something i grew up with my whole life - you just never knew when mommy was going to act strange again

Risks - the fear of the unknown - the one thing that really requires you to trust - trust another person, trust your gut instinct - trust that you have what it takes.,

Thats how i see risks. And although i face the world - without any fear on a day to day basis. Although i seem like a fire breathing dragon to my friends to my colleagues to my bosses - im the biggest chicken on earth. Ill probably the one who has written on their tombstone - "the one with the most potential"....that describes me perfectly - potential energy!

Without taking risks - that potential is going to be wasted....so what do i do?

PS --- im also the one that never ever invested in a single thing in my life.

How do i find my own voice? How do i dance in the shoes that i have bought? How do i live my life to be an inspiration to my son? How?

It baffles me - Why i cant just plod along and be satisfied - but satisfaction is far from where i am...

So this just comes back to how?

There are a million things i want to do - but just dont have the balls to do! And i suppose that everyone out there has these same fears, these same concerns - especially amongst the many plodders like me...What makes me special?

A question asked since time immemorial - a question that i guess cant be answered till you try what you dream to do.

My dad did - he always wanted to run his own business. It failed. I dont really know what that proved? I dont know if it put all his dreams to rest, or it just caused him to be even more depressed, even more deflated, or if from that failure new dreams blossomed.

I have not actually failed at anything (touch wood, thank god, praise be to....)and thats another thing which keeps me away from risk. Cuz if you take the risk then you dont necessarily succeed...failure is a possibility. There really is no answer to this depressed ramblings - not really depressed but confused.

I will find my voice. I will. Its just a matter of time. This i promise ME....

Nick at 1.5 years

Hello alll - here are the latest updates for our litte monster!!!

he is growing cuter and naughtier daily!!!

To India we went!!

We left nicholas - and we went a gallavanting to india!!!

Condomium For Rent?!

PANTAI HILLPARK
- ANDALUCIA - THROUGH THE SLUMS...I SEE A GREEN OASIS OF CALM, PEACE AND
SOLITUDE - HEAVEN!

Well since i cant get a tenant for my apartment in Malaysia, i thought what the hell, mite as well advertise on my blog...that way i can get as many pictures of this gorgeous place as possible online.

We are so in love with our new place, we're taking our time to decorate this apartment to make sure that there is a theme at least..Making sure that everything matches...hopefully!and that it looks as cool to others as it does to us.

This pic on the right is the view from the kitchen patio...You know the are where you have the washing machine, and the airconditioning units etc..very pretty...looks out onto the pool

Above, is the living room.

This is the view from the main door. Tv, chinese antique chest, sofa, what you see is what you get. All are included.

The kitchen..marvelous - hood, hob, built ins, fridge, just get some gas and your ready to go!

The master bedroom washroom, toilet...dont you just love the details that have been added by YTL....

Concept is an open concept for the hall and dining. behind the curtains is an 8ft x 9ft balcony, which can double up as an information dining.

Away

Away again. 4 months into being a mom and im away again. i wonder does my little boy even know i am away. and if he does, am i a bad mother?honestly i hope he misses me as much as i miss him. The only way i deal with this is to imagine that the whole week, is just one long work day, and soon its going to be over!!!! In Hong Kong now, just in from Shanghai this morning, and will be back to KL tomorrow. Need to be up and at the airport in 5hours. All this i did since tuesday this week. What a life....and everytime i hear people say they love to travel, they want a job which allows them to travel, i roll my eyes, and think .."if only you knew"..

Travelling for business equals hours in airports, hours in taxis and limos getting to and from airports, spending time in the fanciest of hotel rooms, which you would never be able to afford if you were on a holiday with family, time with people who are sometimes the most boring people in the world whom you have to watch every single word you say...cuz businessmen are worse than nenek tua...every single word you say will be repeated over and over again with every1 else they meet.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that at the end of the week, i will be back with my boo boo's. Michael has been doing a great job with our boy. Rushing home from work cause i dont like nick to spend too much time with the maid. Fought with his boss in fact to go home and spend some time with our boy after work and his boss said something that made me think, we really need to get out of this raT race.

his boss told him (after he said at 8pm that he wanted to go back to spend time with his son) that "work is more important than family and that to succeed we need to make sacrifices". That's the reason why life in Asia sucks. Not the bad service, not the politics, not the conveniences...its the mentality. Work work work till you die..thats what every1 does.

Work is done out of necessity. Sometimes out of passion and very few people are that lucky. Family is what keeps you going. We do all this to keep our families comfortable, to sustain our dreams, to offer all there is to offer to our future, and we should write this down somewhere so that its never forgotten.

Anyone who happens across this blog, never sacrifice on love. Its not worth it.

The economics of Parenthood

Most blogs on parenthood talk about the joys, the goos, the gahs, the gurgles and the coos...but people dont share the truth about parenthood, that it requires a great deal of money these days to be a parent (or at least to be a lazy parent).

Nicholas is now almost turning four months..and he has sucked us dry. Not just on the necessities, the nesting instinct just makes me want to get him the best. Even if hypermarket stuff will do, i just must get him the best toys, the best books, the best stroller, the best car seat..and i tell you these manufacturers really know their customers. Im convinced that 90% of all web sites that claim to be by parents for parents, are getting a cut of the profits.

Diapers alone could drive a person to bankruptcy, much less the milk that they consume. All these web sites that talk about breast feeding and how great it is for kids, and how vital it is to their development (they of course dont mention how traumatic it can be for a first time mom to attempt breastfeeding after 24 hours of pain, bleeding, stitching, and piles) Missed out on one important link to the story - they should just provide on their welcome page a financial calculator!!!!

• Think about it a tin a week, at 35 bucks, so for 6 mths - 1000 bucks
• Bottles/sterilizing equipment/ and the works (must get the anti colic one cuz every1 has blown colic out of proportion and there actually aint no bottle in the world that does not give gas) - 400 bucks
• Swanky diaper bag - 400 bucks (like angelina jolie and brad pitts)
• bottle heaters - 100 bucks
• total of 2000 bucks just to feed a 3kg baby for 6 mths.

Breastfeeding cost = Zero..

Diapers is the other big cost...breastfeeding = less poop = less diapers to use = a richer household

Advice to new parents...love and all is fantastic, but to make sure you can keep the love alive, make sure you are financially ready for a child, else dont procede, much less have more than one!

And to all manufacturers out there, you guys are really milking us dry. It is an abuse of parental love, the reports that you print, and the prices that you then put on products which are suppose to be sooooo beneficial to our children. I assure you if any one sees this blog, i will start my shop, where we will not be taken for a ride by all these shops in KL.

FIFA 2006 : Italy wins and proves there is a GOD!

In the last 5 seconds of a football match, Italy gets a penalty in their favor and converts. Somehow, through all the euphoria of seeing these 11 (down to 10 by full time) gorgeous men win by a hair, you just know the pope had something to do with it.

It amazes me, how life always throws us curve balls. And you just realise that the saying " Man plans and god laughs" is the truest of all the quotes people have come up with.